Hand full of days:

Well it's just a hand full of days now till Christmas day, and then the New Years holiday. That means 2011 is here, another year is gone. 2010 went so very fast boom, boom, and your gone. What the hell, it is funny as I do think about the passing year . I did reach some of my goals, I got to Wisconsin on my bike. I did start to work out, even if at the last here I haven't because I hurt my ribs working on the damn toilet. For the most part I have had a good year, and am looking forward to 2011.
Goals for 2011:
I'm going to start thinking about them and see where this takes me, I want for what ever reason to be a great year. Something that I can look back on and say, 2011 that was a year. With the darkness put away for now and I hope with all might, maybe gone for good. That is very doubtful I'm sure it will come unwelcome as it doesn't leave, like a family member who won't go home. I'll deal with that too.
Speaking of dealing I would like to think someone who helped me get through my latest dark issue, Trish you don't know just hope much you helped me with this. Just want to say Thank you! You pulled me out of a bad way, not sure I could have made it without you.
So back to goals for 2011 I'm going to start thinking about things I would like to do, and try for 2011. I would like to clear and shot past 2010. I'm also going to sit down and look over 2010 and put down just what I did in 2010. This could be something, or a joke not sure where this will go. As I often say "How it going? Not sure where but we're a going!" I think you just need to stay positive, 100% of the time. Yeah its hard and can you slip to 90%, even 65% sometimes sure. The thing is that you come back to 100% and remain there as much as you can. So I'll be coming up with my goal for the upcoming year, over the next week or so. Plus a list of things I pull off in 2010.
  

Hey, what are we going to do?

Hey Kids,
How's it going out there? I'm having one of those weeks, were I'm just not feeling it. I could careless about work and home both, it is taking all of my energy to make it through the day. I'm trying extra hard to put it out there because of the holiday season, make the good face. I would be better in bed with the covers pulled over my head. And with that said, it's not like I don't want to be where I am as of right now, it's just the opposite of that. I'm happy or at the lest feel happy. I think this is what happy feels like, and see that were this goes all the time. This is where I am and not sure where I am going with this or even myself. Its odd in someways, you battle and battle and for what. Why do we put ourselves out like this, sometimes it just doesn't seem worth it. Now see this is not were this needed to go wanted to keep this up beat. Its the holidays I've got two work parities to go to one on Friday and the other on Monday. Part of me would love to pack it in on them, and I would love to. There are people at work I do care for very much and I do like seeing them outside of work.It all comes back to these holidays. I wish I knew why I hate them so very much. Is it sending time, a day with a house of people for the most part can't stand? Maybe so, hey it just one day. No big deal right, well see that's were I think that maybe its wrong. Its my day too and shouldn't I be able to do with it as I see fit? I'm not saying sit around the house in my underwear and look at porn. That's a option though....  I know its not, I just feel ran down. I need to pull the plug here move on. After all this time this is all there is, a pile of bills and a empty house. This doesn't seem fair after 25 year of working at one place, and 30 years of marriage. This is it, this is what I worked for, this is what I've got to show. Maybe that why it so hard to be strong in this face of the day to day.
I'm just not sure?

Merry Christmas?

Well here we are December. The last month of the year, and going head first into the Christmas holiday.Oh joy for what ever reason I've grown to hate this time of the year. Not sure why? So this year I've made a few changes, no matter how much I get pissed off about this time of year I'm going to in brace it. I've all ready put up the Christmas lights outside, and Saturday is the tree. I'm going to put it up and enjoy the time I'm doing it. See this is so much better, nope it's not. More like put my head down and get it done, it is like asking for seconds of something you can't stand. In a lot of way it kind of the way my life has turned out. Don't get me wrong I have great life. Its just sometimes the day to day just drags at me. I put on my best face and put my head down and get it done. As I get older times seem to get faster, no time for anytime and time much for nothing. Sucks I know, but still it more like no time for the things that make you feel good inside. Not sure if I'm getting anywhere with this silly thought of mine. Well any ways still on some train of thought, and can put it all together, so far. I shouldn't feel this way is what I'm saying. I should be happy with the things I've done, and the family I have. So this is all there is, it seems to me it should be more.
This is something that will not be finished in a paragraph or two, and how would be?