Hey, what are we going to do?

Hey Kids,
How's it going out there? I'm having one of those weeks, were I'm just not feeling it. I could careless about work and home both, it is taking all of my energy to make it through the day. I'm trying extra hard to put it out there because of the holiday season, make the good face. I would be better in bed with the covers pulled over my head. And with that said, it's not like I don't want to be where I am as of right now, it's just the opposite of that. I'm happy or at the lest feel happy. I think this is what happy feels like, and see that were this goes all the time. This is where I am and not sure where I am going with this or even myself. Its odd in someways, you battle and battle and for what. Why do we put ourselves out like this, sometimes it just doesn't seem worth it. Now see this is not were this needed to go wanted to keep this up beat. Its the holidays I've got two work parities to go to one on Friday and the other on Monday. Part of me would love to pack it in on them, and I would love to. There are people at work I do care for very much and I do like seeing them outside of work.It all comes back to these holidays. I wish I knew why I hate them so very much. Is it sending time, a day with a house of people for the most part can't stand? Maybe so, hey it just one day. No big deal right, well see that's were I think that maybe its wrong. Its my day too and shouldn't I be able to do with it as I see fit? I'm not saying sit around the house in my underwear and look at porn. That's a option though....  I know its not, I just feel ran down. I need to pull the plug here move on. After all this time this is all there is, a pile of bills and a empty house. This doesn't seem fair after 25 year of working at one place, and 30 years of marriage. This is it, this is what I worked for, this is what I've got to show. Maybe that why it so hard to be strong in this face of the day to day.
I'm just not sure?